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Glenda Umaña
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Las baldosas

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De esta manera, este pobre columnista, fue víctima ayer del pisotón de una baldosa basculante y su consiguiente chorro de agua y barro subiendo por la pernera y contenido a duras penas en el limbo de la ropa interior, a punto de llevar su temperatura bajo cero al lugar de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme.

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#Invierno
#ItxuDiaz
#LasBaldosas
#Madrid
#MediasMojadas
#Noviembre
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5 Diciembre, 2017

Por: Itxu Díaz

Nací en puerto de mar. Quiero decir que soy del agua. Medio pez. No es que me parezca perfecta la vida submarina –entre otras cosas porque no se puede fumar- pero tampoco abomino de los fluidos.

En general si llevan hielo y Coca Cola me caen simpáticos. Sin embargo, soy un firme defensor de que los líquidos se mantengan dentro de su perímetro.

Me gusta que el mar esté en el mar, el café lejos de mi camisa, y los charcos sobre la acera. Alcaldes del mundo, esto es lo único importante: el suelo debe estar bien pegado al suelo.

Llega el frío. Ha comenzado a caer una especie de bruma húmeda que solo los madrileños menos viajados al norte aciertan a llamar “lluvia”, por cuanto la lluvia implica, para los académicos, que caiga agua de las nubes y eso es algo que no se ha producido en Madrid desde hace mucho tiempo.

No obstante, esa llovizna caprichosa, como un vaporcillo gélido, al fin ha terminado por acumularse sobre las calles de la ciudad y entonces ha ocurrido el desastre.

Nuestras modernas ciudades han logrado estropear la vieja solidez de los empedrados romanos. Así, cuando llueve, te arriesgas a pisar una baldosa letal que bascula y que oculta agua estancada y barro en su interior; un líquido altamente agresivo para pantalones y calcetines, que sale disparado como un géiser cuando se siente presionado por algo, por lo general, por un zapato incauto.

De esta manera, este pobre columnista, fue víctima ayer del pisotón de una baldosa basculante y su consiguiente chorro de agua y barro subiendo por la pernera y contenido a duras penas en el limbo de la ropa interior, a punto de llevar su temperatura bajo cero al lugar de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme.

Como consecuencia de este accidente, ocurrido al filo de la hora de cenar, el quebradizo juntaletras hubo de cenar, pasear y brindar con la pernera embarrada con figuras muy cercanas al surrealismo y –lo peor- con los calcetines mojados.

El hombre es un ser resistente. Un caballero puede soportar altas o bajas temperaturas, puede comer casi hasta reventar sin llegar a la explosión, o puede exponerse a una conferencia de Paulo Coelho sobre el amor –con Aerosmith en los auriculares, eso sí-. En cambio, se vuelve vulnerable con los calcetines mojados.

Un hombre surcando la noche madrileña de noviembre a temperaturas extremas con los calcetines mojados no es un hombre sino un alma en pena, un despojo social, un desahuciado de la felicidad.

No puedo pedir que no llueva, ni vestirme con botas de pescador para salir a cenar, ni pedirle al barro escondido bajo el firme que embellezca con un Picasso mis perneras. Así que clamo, en actitud humilde y exasperada, a la alcaldesa de la urbe y a todos los del mundo –menos a los de la vara al viento- que obren el milagro de sellar las baldosas basculantes para que dejen de serlo. En caso de que no lo permita el presupuesto, prohíban la lluvia. Cosas más inauditas se han prohibido ya este año en Madrid.

Si no lo hacen por mí, háganlo por la madre de mi sastre.

LEA TAMBIEN: LA ROPA GRACIOSA

Itxu Díaz es periodista, columnista satírico y escritor. En los últimos quince años sus artículos se han publicado en decenas de medios de España y Estados Unidos.

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LAS MÁS LEIDAS

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INNOVADORA TECNOLOGÍA REVOLUCIONA SALUD EN BOLIVIA

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Treinta y cuatro millones de personas se están muriendo de hambre

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El desgarrador testimonio de una valiente mujer que une a Italia, Costa Rica y Croacia.

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Madres eXtraordinarias, la iniciativa que reconoce el esfuerzo de las mujeres portadoras de hemofilia

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La artista tica Melania Pacheco trae su nuevo sencillo “TIEMPO” a la escena de música nacional

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¿Por qué el COVID-19 va en picada en Estados Unidos?

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