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Glenda Umaña
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.n274198, .n274198 *:not(i){color:;} .n274198:hover, .n274198 *:hover {color: !important;}

La mala memoria

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Se ha escrito poco sobre esta plaga que nos aflige a los que sufrimos el yugo del despiste crónico: el encontronazo con alguien que no sabes ni remotamente quién es.

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#Caras
#Descuido
#Despiste
#Memoria
#Personas
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3 Mayo, 2018

Por: Itxu Diaz

Te lo encuentras en la farmacia. O en el baño de un tugurio. O peor: en el ascensor. Te saluda efusivamente. Te palmea la espalda y a veces te pellizca los mofletes. Su sonrisa, de oreja a oreja. ¡Le hace mucha ilusión verte! Ensalza con gran griterío cuánto tiempo ha pasado desde la última vez.

Y te habla con esa familiaridad tan penetrante en los ojos que llegas a sospechar que sea tu propio hermano. Se ha escrito poco sobre esta plaga que nos aflige a los que sufrimos el yugo del despiste crónico: el encontronazo con alguien que no sabes ni remotamente quién es.

Un día, tiempo atrás, un jefe experto en estas lides, me lo dijo: sonríe y asiente, limítate a eso. Y es lo que hago.

Pero el asunto resulta embarazoso. La mayor parte de los interlocutores se dan cuenta. Cuanto menos te conocen, más se dan cuenta de que no te acuerdas de ellos.

Los que te conocen mucho en realidad no son capaces de pensar algo tan feo. En cambio sí piensan que te has vuelto gilipollas. ¿Y esa sonrisa de idiota?, me han dicho alguna vez, como diciendo: ¿te has golpeado el coco otra vez con la puerta del coche?

Ocurre que a veces el encontronazo se complica. Tu interlocutor te interpela. Y busca que manifiestes una opinión sobre algún hecho que presupone que conoces. Léase: algún aspecto de su trayectoria personal o profesional. Sonreír y asentir ya no vale.

La escapatoria nos la brinda siempre un ataque de tos. Yo fingí uno en una discoteca en 1997 escapando de un tipo extrañísimo y todavía no he dejado de toser, por si vuelve.

Los de la mala memoria vivimos un calvario. Hay gente que dice que es muy buena para recordar las caras, pero no los nombres. Yo al contrario. Soy extraordinariamente hábil para recordar los nombres pero no las caras. De modo que los distribuyo aleatoriamente por las caras que voy conociendo y, a veces, acierto a la primera.

Hay gente tan cortés que acepta con una sonrisa que le llames setenta veces Jaime aunque su nombre sea José.

La vida no nos lo pone fácil. Avanzan los años. Los rostros conocidos se amontonan. Los nuevos ocupan el lugar del cerebro en el que guardabas a los antiguos. Y además ahora todo el mundo se mueve un montón, de un país a otro, de un trabajo a otro, de un contexto a otro. Hay tipos que no paran quietos y así no hay manera.

En general, nadie debería estar nunca en el lugar donde no te lo esperas. Los amigos de infancia deberían pasarse la vida entera en el patio de colegio. Los profesores de autoescuela jamás deberían salir a la calle si no es dentro de su coche. Y los periodistas deberían permanecer siempre en los bares. Eso facilitaría mucho las cosas.

Tampoco me malinterpreten. Es maravilloso que alguien te pare por la calle y te salude. A mí me pasa a menudo.

Esta mañana, sin ir más lejos. Una mujer joven, pelo moreno y ojos claros como dos soles, altura de Miss Escocia o algo así. Inalcanzable en toda su belleza. Cruzó la calle solo para venir a por mí. Los demás transeúntes me miraban con envidia. Aguardé su grácil taconeo con una sonrisa no demasiado comprometida.

- ¡Hola! – dijo con esa cómplice familiaridad que solo saben dibujar en la mirada algunas chicas.
- ¡Hola, buenos días! – es obvio que yo no la había visto antes y ella a mí sí.
- Quería preguntarle…
- ¡No me hable de usted, por favor, señorita! – le interrumpí.
- Qué amable. Es que le he visto venir… -parecía ruborizada por el momento y quise ayudarla a completar sus frases-
- … y ha decidido saludarme, ¿verdad?
- Le confieso que yo… Le he visto venir y de pronto…
- Comprendo su emoción –le ayude de nuevo-. Descuide. Me habrá reconocido por mis libros, ocurre a menudo… -engordé seis kilos antes de acabar la frase-
- En realidad le he visto venir y quería preguntarle si sabe qué calle debo tomar desde aquí para ir a la plaza de Colón.

A veces, al consejo de “asiente y sonríe” hay que añadirle algo: cállate y sal corriendo.

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LAS MÁS LEIDAS

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GLENDA AHORA “LAS COSAS COMO SON” CON Henrietta Boggs

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